11.24.2008

Half Formed Thoughts On Loss


Sometimes we lose. The world is full of loss; we lose people, we lose jobs, we lose everything that we've ever had. Sometimes we lose our keys. We lose our minds, we lose the present to the past and the future to the present. We lose brain cells by the bucket load every day, often accelerated by whatever means we choose to deaden the pain of those losses. Every day losing and loss, whether we see it or not. It's strangely and horribly consuming, this shedding that we experience every day, like leaves fluttering off a tree. We are becoming lighter, leaner, yet paradoxically more burdened.

Yet we go forward still, every day. Every day in spite of so many setbacks, and so much loss, so much of it that can't even be avoided. It's marvelous, really, this going on and moving forward. What is it that keeps us from throwing our hands up and giving in? Shouting "enough!" to the heavens and slumping down, defeated? Is it faith? Is it hope?

Or is it that we somehow understand that through losing, we are, ultimately, able to win? Is it that, if you live your life without defeat, you never truly hunger for victory? We may get pushed around sometimes, but one day, we'll be pushed too hard. We'll throw that punch, the other guy will go down, and it will feel damn good. Damn good.

Saturday night I drank champagne and toasted the very idea of Possibility, and tonight, tonight were I to have champagne, I believe that I would toast Loss. Loss who, with all of her cruelty and indifference is nevertheless shepherding us to a better tomorrow as better, stronger, wiser people. Raise your glasses and bow your heads friends; place one hand over your heart, and let us solemnly, wistfully, and yes, because me must, joyfully, toast.

2 comments:

Katie Porter said...

To loss.

Dakin said...

to Loss indeed, as bittersweet as it is.