Oh Hi There; How About Some More Reflection?

Sometimes endings are beginnings, and obviously the reverse is also true. Los Angeles is wonderful, and I'm beginning to understand that there are some things that I've left behind in Seattle that I will have to let go of to move forward. If I don't, and don't do so actively, I will be captured in some sort of awful stasis; unable to move forward, and equally unable to move backwards. In short, there are people and emotions that must be released in order to avoid stagnation. It's wonderful to have people in your life that you love, that you would lay down your life for, but it's not healthy to live your life for them. We've all been the one left behind, waving at the U-Haul as our friends journey into their own lives (and likely we've all driven a few U-Hauls), but it's not healthy or good to hold on too tightly. There are relationships that we have forged that will carry us through our entire lives. People we have met who will hold us up and inspire us, and we will do so in kind; however there are others who may have made significant impacts that we must allow to simply dissipate. We must allow them the freedom to continue their own journeys as freely as we travel ours without hindrance or expectation; it was great while it lasted, but these partings, these partings they are inevitable.

Everyone that you know, that I know, that we know, we will lose someday. We will lose some of them to circumstance, to distance, to death; but we will lose them all. You will bury your parents, your best friend, your partner; or they will bury you. It is an immutable and unavoidable fact of life. It is something that we can't escape. My heart breaks into a thousand pieces, just reflecting on all of it, but at the same time, it makes it all so ridiculously beautiful. We have each other for such a short time, and there's so much that can be taken and learned and held and be wondered at. It's okay to let go, as long as we are conscious of what it is that we held on to to begin with.

I hope that you're reading; all of you.

Half Formed Thoughts On Loss

Sometimes we lose. The world is full of loss; we lose people, we lose jobs, we lose everything that we've ever had. Sometimes we lose our keys. We lose our minds, we lose the present to the past and the future to the present. We lose brain cells by the bucket load every day, often accelerated by whatever means we choose to deaden the pain of those losses. Every day losing and loss, whether we see it or not. It's strangely and horribly consuming, this shedding that we experience every day, like leaves fluttering off a tree. We are becoming lighter, leaner, yet paradoxically more burdened.

Yet we go forward still, every day. Every day in spite of so many setbacks, and so much loss, so much of it that can't even be avoided. It's marvelous, really, this going on and moving forward. What is it that keeps us from throwing our hands up and giving in? Shouting "enough!" to the heavens and slumping down, defeated? Is it faith? Is it hope?

Or is it that we somehow understand that through losing, we are, ultimately, able to win? Is it that, if you live your life without defeat, you never truly hunger for victory? We may get pushed around sometimes, but one day, we'll be pushed too hard. We'll throw that punch, the other guy will go down, and it will feel damn good. Damn good.

Saturday night I drank champagne and toasted the very idea of Possibility, and tonight, tonight were I to have champagne, I believe that I would toast Loss. Loss who, with all of her cruelty and indifference is nevertheless shepherding us to a better tomorrow as better, stronger, wiser people. Raise your glasses and bow your heads friends; place one hand over your heart, and let us solemnly, wistfully, and yes, because me must, joyfully, toast.

Westward and to the South

Growth is painful. it marks us with stretch marks, wraps rings around the insides of trees; bands of experience and expansion that are physical evidence of what we have come to call “growing pains”.  We are marked inside and out as we grow and change, sometimes for the better, and sometimes for the worse; regardless, there is always evidence, if only you know to look hard enough. 

Lately I’ve had my own growing pains, becoming more persistent over the past year, until by the beginning of November I felt almost as though I was knitting new bones. My growing pains stemmed from self awareness and the realization that the past year had taken me further from my goals rather than closer. Unhappy in career and locale, it was a perpetual struggle of two steps backwards for every one forward. 

Friday I made the decision to move to Los Angeles for the winter after a week and a half of serious re-evaluation of, essentially, every aspect of my life. What I hope is that this will be my spirit walk, my vision quest, that brings me back into sync with my goals and brings me closer to achieving them. The hope is that I can walk away from my life, just for a short time, and come back more centered and focused, and the better for it. Essentially, a chance to hit the reset button and see the world with eyes that aren't nearly as tired.

By Monday, I had cancelled my now expired gym membership, given notice at my apartment, begun packing, and found a storage space. Suddenly everything is frighteningly, vividly, Kodachrome real. The reality of the people and places that I will be leaving (yet again, only temporarily, so why the deep melancholy?) settles like a cold fog, replacing the bright optimism that existed when this was all mere fancy. There will be time enough to bask in California's golden sun, cooling toes in her oceans and roasting marshmallows in the embers of her wild fires; today we mourn our losses, real or imagined. 

All of this is coming at a cost, as does everything, and with that cost is tied the hope that the gains will offset the losses. In the end, a life of what if and missed opportunity is as dry and bitter as a mouthful of ashes. Nothing wondrous is ever achieved without risk, even if, in the end, the risk isn’t even that great.

Shut Up, Elton John.

Oh, Elton John, you silly vapid, selfish queen, you. How nice, Sir Elton, that you have blessed us with making your home in Los Angeles and taking the time to pontificate on our quaint political processes. Via USA Today (the favored rag of the business traveler and the third rate motel), Sir Elton made clear his views on exactly why the opposition to Proposition 8 failed.

"We're not married. Let's get that right. We have a civil partnership. What is wrong with Proposition 8 is that they went for marriage. Marriage is going to put a lot of people off, the word marriage."

"I don't want to be married. I'm very happy with a civil partnership. If gay people want to get married, or get together, they should have a civil partnership," said John. "The word marriage, I think, puts a lot of people off. You get the same equal rights that we do when we have a civil partnership. Heterosexual people get married. We can have civil partnerships."

The thing is, Sir Elton? We already had marriage. It was there in the California Constitution (it's like a Yankee Magna Carta, dear), the state supreme court affirmed that it was there, and then it was taken away by bigots wielding fear and lies. No one "went for marriage"; this was thrust on us, and we stood up to protect the rights that we already had protected under the Constitution, and they were taken away. Similar to how in Arkansas they took away the rights of unmarried people to foster and adopt children; something that we also would not be allowed under a "civil partnership".

So please, take your hair plugs, your collection of novelty eyewear, your hideous Oscar party, and yes, even your "Tiny Dancer" and fuck right off back across the pond. P.s. Love the outfit; though doesn't it seem a bit tasteful for you?

photo via Andy Kropa AP

Wow. Just Wow. McCain Adviser Lies Openly And Belligerently

So apparently, Barack Obama is not only a socialist and a domestic terrorist, but is surrounded by anti-Semites. Who are these anti-Semites? Watch and learn. (Hint: Michael Goldfarb can't manage to come up with another name, and when pressed states simply that "I think we all know who number two is".)

When W was elected, one of the pundits made the observation that "in four years, that little blue dress is going to be a happy memory"; referencing, of course, the Lewinski scandal that almost brought down Bill Clinton. Eight years later, it's likely that everyone could go for a cigar, and I have a feeling that if McCain were to somehow be elected, Iraq, Katrina, the economy, and Cheneyesque transparency in government will also all be happy memories.

While you can argue that the actions and rhetoric spilling over from the McCain camp in the past few weeks is the result of a campaign in it's death throes, it's more believable that this is a preview of how they will choose to govern. The Bush administration has proven that it's not necessary to rely on facts or truth to advance a self serving and damaging agenda, and at this point in the campaign, McCain is proving that he, and the people he chooses to have in his employ, are much more similar to the farce of the last eight years than we ever would have thought. The Straight Talk Express is proving itself to be anything but, as we are faced with another round of easily disproved lies and recriminations; from William Ayers to "socialism", to Joe the not-quite-a-Plumber. We all know that the bar for political discourse was irreparably lowered by the employ of Rovian campaigning, but did we know that it would become the absolute train wreck of a limbo competition that it has become? How low can we go indeed. Six more days and we will likely have an answer.

A Palin Presidency

Wow. I just found my favorite website for the next three weeks (ok, the next five days; my attention span has been a little shot lately)! It's PalinAsPresident, and it's a virtual advent calendar counting us down to the election. Every day there is a little change made to the site; doors that open, objects that move, countless predictions of imminent catastrophe made. Curious to know just how a Palin Presidency might go down were something to happen to (a somehow bafflingly elected) McCain? Well, this pretty much lays it all out. Don't scoff though, remember all of those things that the "Bleeding Heart Liberals" predicted from Dubya? Yeah, that "I told you so" is somehow just as gratifying as I thought it would be -- which is to say, not at all.

You know, I would love to get into it all, but really? You should just check it out for yourselves because I don't want to spoil a single surprise. Ok, the baby names "Cashew", "Carport", "Rake", and "Purple" posted on the wall made me howl the first time I saw them, but that's all that I'll tell you. Maverick!

Sarah Palin Secessionist?

There's been a great deal of fuss lately from the McCain/Palin camp regarding Barack Obama's association with one William Ayers, who had been a member of the Weather Underground -- a domestic terrorist group active in the 1960s, and responsible for bombing the pentagon in 1972. (The Pentagon sustained minimal damage, and no one was injured or killed in the incident.) Ayers later became a legitimate figure in the Chicago educational system, also working closely with Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, and helped to secure a $49.2m grant from the Annenberg Foundation to reform the public education system in Chicago. He was also awarded Citizen of the Year in 1997 by the city of Chicago for his work in education. As you can see, a dangerous character indeed; someone existing entirely on the fringes of Chicago's political scene, a Kaczynski of the brownstones.

Not so much. While Ayers indeed has a checkered past, he is by no definition currently a "domestic terrorist".

Sarah Palin, on the other hand apparently is very legitimately and recently linked to a very real group of secessionists in Alaska. As a matter of fact, she has addressed their national conference (this group so anti American that they literally want to remove themselves physically from the Union) as recently as 2008. The group is the Alaskan Independence Party, and while I don't see any record of violent activity, I can't help but think that involvement with a group that includes amongst it's goals separation from the United States (and taking with them all of those natural resources that we seem to need so badly right now) is not only unpatriotic, but the height of treason.

The real question is: Why aren't we talking about this on the national stage??

The video below should be of great interest; in it Sarah Palin expresses her support of the party alongside video and audio recordings of party members.



update: apparently this issue is beginning to attract the attention of the press... (via jed report)


Read the referenced Salon.com article here.

Seattle Hempfest :: Fun For The Whole Family

Like the swallows to Capistrano, yearly the great unwashed (literally!) converge on Seattle's Elliott Bay, Myrtle Edwards, and Sculpture Garden Parks for Hempfest, a happy go lucky event where people who don't live in the city arrive in droves so that they can be edgy and celebrate the fact that they smoke marijuana. Lucky for me, it's adjacent to my neighborhood, so as I dodge seemingly disoriented pedestrians, I can participate in the experience without even actually having to attend! It reminds me of the time that I saw Manu Chao at Sasquatch, but not quite as death wish inducing.

Having had to drive through the mess twice today, I have the urge to bolt the windows and blood the doors.




Hempfest: Oh look! Doesn't that look like fun?? (Survey says: No.)